I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
