what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
