I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The beer is more important than you right now.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So squirting runs in the family.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
