Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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