So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
