Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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