u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
