Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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