I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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