that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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