i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
