my phone needs a breathalizer
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
