allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Blood and glitter go together right?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
