You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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