You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
God I need to hump something, right now.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
