I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize