The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize