After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
