I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize