youre lurking in front of me
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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