I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
