That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You ruined the universe
Randomize
