I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Randomize
