Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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