Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
