I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
