Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
so much tequila, so little girl.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
