My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
