she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
