just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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