You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
