i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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