I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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