the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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