i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
