Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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