Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
3pm strippers are depressing
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
