i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
