whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
