DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
