my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
