just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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