you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
