i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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