If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
