I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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