youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
