I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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