she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
