I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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