yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize