Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
