I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
