Need sex. Gaining weight.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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