the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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