Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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