i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
