i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
