Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
