She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
