I heard we made out
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
