I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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