you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize