I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
