my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I deserve this hangover.
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