Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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