she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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