I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
