Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
