SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
