What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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