she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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