I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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