Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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