i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
