I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
