You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
honey bunches of taint.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
