bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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