Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
