So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
