God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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