i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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