A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
