It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
