I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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