The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
