Umm I'm too high to move.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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