cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
