I can text with my tongue
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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