twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
