Fine. I'll sleep in my office
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
