I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize