Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
