i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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