Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
