wake up i wanna do it froggy style
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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