This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I supernannyed him into submission
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
