i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
