In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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