I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
