he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
