Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
