no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
